Artists Who Miss Home…. Too Much
Earlier this year, we welcomed an indie artist over to our house for dinner after a concert at a local church. We got into a spirited conversation about the fine line between opening up about one’s family back home and disconnecting with an audience because home is where you’d rather be. I promised this artist that I would write an article and put my thoughts down (probably a tactic to shut me up that night). So here is my open letter to artists who often travel away from home.
Dear artist friends… There is some freedom and flexibility that comes with the vocation you chose. I, for one, have been close enough to taste the rigorous life of a traveling musician. It is far less glamorous than what some people think. It’s also hard work. In my youthful ignorance, I thought artists had it made. After all, it appeared that they only worked 2-3 hours per night, and usually only 4 nights per week. I know now that is far from reality. Indie artists, especially, get no rest while traveling (they are often driving themselves). They are carrying their own equipment, trying to do a bit of self-promotion with stops at churches, radio stations, bookstores etc., sound-checking, meeting with folks before and after the concerts, setting up and running their merchandise table, financial bookkeeping, writing new songs while on the road, and often times being a long-distance spouse & parent.
I concede that what you do is not easy. Your job is made more difficult if you have to travel away from your spouse and kids. However, I have heard more artists openly complaining (sometimes downright crabby) about how much they miss their bed, their home, their family. So here are 7 things I would want every indie artist to know, from a fan’s perspective:
1. We love it when you talk about your spouse and kids. We love that you welcome us into that area of your life. However, when you openly whine about how MUCH you miss them and CAN’T WAIT to get back home with them, it instantly puts a distance between us. I want you to be present with us tonight.
2. This is what you do for a living. You chose this vocation willingly. I don’t look for you to sympathize when things don’t go perfectly at my job, or when I’m asked to take a 1-week business trip away from my family. Openly missing your family can be a “sweet” thing, but it’s also thin ice.
3. Welcome to the real world. Probably 80% (if not more) of the people that attend your concerts would say that their vocation is not easy or glamorous, and they rarely get the respect or applause that you get each night.
4. There’s a lot to be thankful about in the here and now. You have people that have spent money to come see you perform. Many of these might become new fans of your music. All are potential buyers at your merch table. When you’re feeling down or lonely… think on such things.
5. Facebook and Twitter is a double-edged sword. Your fans can become your virtual friends [good]. Your fans/friends can get more of a glimpse into your everyday life [good]. You may at times use these platforms to vent about the home-sickness you don’t feel open sharing about on the stage [bad]. Your audience is now following you on a daily basis, which is a fantastic opportunity for an indie artist to grow a loyal fan-base. However, if these words would cause a disconnect on stage, it will cause a disconnect with your online audience as well – so just don’t say it.
6. When you share about things that are “more important” to you – could be family, or it might be your church, your community group, your relative in the hospital, or that studio session you have tomorrow morning – you inadvertently put a guilt trip on your audience for taking you away from those things. Less audience guilt = good.
7. We WANT to support you. If we were looking for entertainment only, there are hundreds of other ways I could spend my time and be equally satisfied. However, we are here because we believe in you and your mission. We WANT you to succeed. And guess what? My hunch is that your family believes in you too and is content to let you go make a living.
So, celebrate your spouse and kids openly. Tell me about the fun you have in your backyard. But also help me believe that there is no other place you’d rather be than with these friends who are supporting you TODAY. It warms our heart to see you cherish your family – it’s a beautiful thing. We can assume you miss them without you even saying the words.
And even if you avoid it on stage, someone is bound to come up to you at the merch table after the show to ask, “Are you missing your family right now?” You can be honest, but please use discernment in your words. You can easily push that fan away if you start gushing about how homesick you are. Facebook and Twitter are not the right places to vent either. Saying temporary goodbyes to home life is sacrifice that comes with the vocation that YOU chose. Embrace the opportunities before you, and enjoy THIS very moment of the journey.
----------------------------------------------------
written by Dave Trout
Wow. For a guy that’s (obviously) a proponent of indie artists and their music, that seems… cold. You seem to be saying to the indie artists out here, “You made your bed, now lie in it… and smile.”
I’ve hosted one of the same artists you have, and he’s vented to me about all sorts of stuff. But I don’t feel that distances me from him. If anything, it encourages me to encourage him, to listen to what he has to say. He’s sacrificing, and I’m blessed by his music. What gives me the right to tell him how to deliver it?
Don’t be a publicist for indie artists: be a friend. An artist who is all shiny veneer makes me suspicious. I’d rather an artist “pour out his/her heart” than “put on a happy face” any day of the week.
I think Dave is addressing the attitude of artists during shows that says “I would rather not be here tonight, I would rather be with my family”
Being in full-time ministry this feeling creeps in at times as well. Sometimes I would rather be at home than run a youth ministry event. But would I openly announce to my students that I would rather not be with them right now? If I did, I would be missing the ministry opportunity that is right in front of me, and students would probably not want to come back to the ministry if I am consistently talking about how I would rather be with my family.
Think about that principle with any job in the world. Could you imagine if people told their bosses everyday, that they would rather be at home than at work. Be careful what you hope for. Dave’s last two paragraph are a great summary of the heart of his point.
Yeah…. I know that this can come across as a bit ‘cold.’ Maybe I’ve just been put off by this too much of late. Here’s how I feel—sorry if this didn’t come across in the article. I think that indie artists need friends AND publicists. I think that there is an appropriate time to vent and wear your heart on your sleeve and share frustrations. However, being an indie artist is a career path… meaning… you are dealing with current and potential *customers*. Not everyone can be a “friend.” I am IN NO WAY suggesting a shiny veneer or happy face. I’m suggesting that some discretion is used in what is and isn’t shared publicly.
The other point that I didn’t emphasize enough is that MANY indie artists think that they are serving their audience by sharing about missing their family or wishing they were home. It’s almost like a gimmick. “If I open up about their home-sickness, it will draw people into my experience and will create more intimacy with my audience.” NO, NOT TRUE. 9 out of 10 times it will make their audience uncomfortable and will put up a wall.
I hope you see that I am saying all of this in love. I want indie artists to succeed. I want to foster more opportunities for them to get gigs, sell records, etc. I am in their corner…. and an artist being more discerning about where/when they talk about “wishing they were somewhere else” is a GOOD THING.
In our emails I’ve come to understand your heart a bit better and would say that you could probably have made the same point in less of a smack down sort of way, on the other hand the points are made and will hit home for some.
I think there may be a greater thing to help artists with and that does have to do with guilt that tugs at us when homesickness hits. What do we need to really get to that place of contentment as artists? Does our family know how much giving us permission to do this helps? Have we even had that conversation… really had that honest conversation with our families in the first place? I’ll bet most haven’t and most don’t realize that when little things change in the home… you have to have that conversation again.
Artists tend to be people pleasers, something that we do have to guard against. Rather than beating on artists for expressing their guilt over not being home, I think it’s important for artists to realize that we’ve been given the privledge to serve the audience that comes - that gave up their time and honestly want to be taken to a place that helps them make some sense of their lives. We get to speak into that brokeness.
It’s good for artists to have a shoulder to cry on, we bipolar types need this - but we have to recognize how we serve that audience. If we’re really that broken about being on the road, then we need to listen to that heart, deal with the guilt in a positive way and if necessary, make changes to our lives. God doesn’t need us to be on the road, he can use us at the gas station job as well as in the concert hall… perhaps we really do need to “Get Real” and be honest about the big picture of being homesick.
Mike
I think Dave is right on the money.
I have been a touring artist,but stopped ‘cos I personally needed to be plugged into local church and would have missed miss my family too much.
Don’t have Dave the messenger guys! It’s a tough love message that musicians need to hear!
So often I think Christian artists seem to feel they deserve preferential treatment. Hey, business people who have a long commute probably see as little of their family as a touring musician and they don’y get whole days, weeks and months at home like gigging artists do in between tours.
Bottom line? If it makes you miserable then you need to think seriously about stopping.
And one last point. If your touring is in any sense a ministry, then complaining often about how hard your life is, makes God out to be a hard task master.
I’m not calling anyone out but myself ‘cos I’ve certainly been there if no one else has but hey, if the sackcloth fits - wear it.
Sign in to leave a comment